- Think about any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life. Share at least two strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective. For example, could you suggest a compromise? Could you look for a broader range of solutions to your disagreement? Could you use some of the principles of nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve this conflict?
- Also, if appropriate, ask your colleagues for their input and advice regarding, if not specific problems, how they have learned to be more effective communicators as it relates to conflict resolution skills.
The one disagreement that I recently experienced was with my teenage daughter (14). The conflict that we had was because she wanted to stay out later than her curfew. Her curfew is 9 or 10pm depending on the activity that she's's engaging in. Her dad and I gave her permission to go out last weekend and she called me asking if she could stay out longer and catch a ride with one of her friend's parents. She was not understanding that we love her and are just watching out for her safety. All she sees is a lot of children her age hanging out late and she wants to hang out too, but I do not feel comfortable having her hang out too late.
Strategies that might help me to manage or resolve this conflict:
- We have and will continue to discuss (every time before she goes out) that either her dad or I will pick her up. That way she will be home on time and that will help avoid conflict/arguments about why she's home late. We explained to her the reasons why we do not want her to be out too late and why we do not want her catching rides with other people.
- One of the 3 R's which is Respect. I will continue to talk, treat, and approach her with respect because positive relationships/interactions is the foundation for future learning and relationships (Cheshire, 2007).
She also said that she understands that even though she's a teenager now, she is still our little girl and that she needs to follow the rules that we set for her because they are for her own well-being.
Reference:
Reference:
Cheshire, N. 2007. The
3 R's: Gateway to Infant and Toddler Learning. Retrieved
Reyna
ReplyDeleteTeenage years are definitely when you must ask God for more understanding and patience to deal with the unpredictables. Corso states that "relationship do not come automatically but are instead built over a period of time through respectful, reciprocal, and responsive interactions" (2007). It was good reading your blog.
Bea
Bea,
DeleteI agree that the teenage years are some difficult ones. I have 3 teenagers and my 2 boys are so different than my daughter. I know that with God's help, love, patience, and respect, we will overcome what ever challenges come our way. She's such a good child, but wants to be hanging out with friends like most children her age. I know I did when I was a teen, but times have changed so much. Thanks for your feedback.
Reyna
Your example of a conflict you've had really hits close to home! My two oldest daughters are 20 and 17, and we have had this discussion many times. I agree that respect is essential when communicating with our teenage children. When this topic came up with our second daughter, we negotiated a slightly later curfew under the stipulations that she continue being respectful of our family rules. Not following the rules would revoke the later curfew time.
ReplyDeleteChristie,
DeleteThanks for sharing your similar experience. I know that as our daughter gets older, we will negotiate on a later curfew too.
Reyna
Reyna,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great way to handle your conflict with your daughter. I do not have children yet, but hope to soon and reading this hits my heart. I want to parent the way you discuss you and your husbands parenting styles. You both work together in order to resolve conflict and have a great approach. I feel that parenting is done correctly when a child understands why their parents make the decisions they do. I like that you respond effectively and respectfully to your daughter. As a child I struggled to follow rules because I felt that my parents were in charge and I had no say. I would break the rules and struggle to follow them at times, because I felt I had no say as the child. When we use the 3 R's approach I believe children have a better understanding of the situations and are more respectful to their parents in situation like yours.
Amanda
Amanda,
DeleteIt's sad to say this, but it is so true... Before I had children, I promised myself not to parent the way that my parents did. I was never given the opportunity to express my emotions or feelings. I always think before I say something to my children because I do not want them to feel the way that I did as a child. I would also get in so much trouble for breaking the rules, but for some reason I still did. I guess I was looking for that attention even if it meant getting it the wrong way. My children are amazing children and they do follow the rules that we have set. And I understand that like any other teen, they just want to have fun. For most teens, their whole world revolves around friends. One thing that I do is that I let go of things. If they get in touble or I scold them, I talk to them, ask them questions, and I give them the chance to express their feelings or explain themselves and when it's done, it's done. We move on with a clean slate. When I was a child, I would hear about what I did wrong for months and I did not like that. Parenting is a learning experience. We learn as we go. My 4 are so different from each other and what works for 1, does not work for the rest.
Thanks for your feedback.
Reyna
Reyna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your personal story. I know that similar situations are in my near future as my daughter enters the teenage years. Commuication is key, and I value that you take the time to explain to your daughter (something that many parents do not do). It is usually the parent's way or the highway so to speak. I am a big believer in family rules and standards along with consequences when rules are broken but like you, the communication aspect is key. I was never a big rule breaker but I see that one of my own may be one to challenge rules, and there are respectful ways to discuss and challenge. I think that conflict can be productive, I agree, we are learning as we go and allowing our children to communicate allows us to see their point of view and for them to see ours.
Reyna,
ReplyDeleteI remember having that discussion with my parents when I was growing up. I later appreciated that they cared so much for me that they were worried when I was not at home. Children can be so hard to know what to do in certain situations, but it sounds like you are doing a good job. Know that she is looking for guidance and when you make a rule, you are willing to carry it through. Hopefully when she has children she will remember that.
Amy